Day 1 'No more battles with Fear'

            Welcome to my blog! Over the course of the next 33 days I will be writing about my journey reading a book called, "Discovering Your Soul Signature" written by: Panache Desai.

 In this book you have three meditations for Morning, Noon, and Night with some activities. The book is about acceptance and embracing the fullness of our original design and no longer live out copycat lives or stories we've been told. Excerpt: "After all, there comes a point when you finally have to be good enough for you. You being you is a blessing. You being you is the miracle. You being you is enough. You being you is your soul signature."

Regardless of your belief system or religious background, Panache Desai is a man about LOVE! When you read his words or hear him speak you can feel and hear the love of God, the Creator, the Divine of Love flowing through him powerfully.

Anyway, I picked up this book because I've been in such a place of discontentment with myself and with my life. I've been frustrated and even condemning myself which have not lead me to be in very happy places. I've been trying to look for external resolutions that could only be solved from the inside out. I've trying to find the perfect job; or create a job by building a business; or be distracted with making  myself busy with non-productive activities that leave me more exhausted and stressed out.

My body have been going through serious turmoil with test, surgery, procedures, hospital visits and seeing specialists without any results. No results and my body is experiencing symptoms after symptoms. I realize I've been carrying stress and holding on the weight of unresolved stuff for a long time. 

I heard about this book and decided that this would be great for me to explore. 

I started the book a day ago. The first chapter was about fear and allowing yourself to experiencing it without meaning or definition. Allowing yourself to feel it without judgment or condemnation. Without self-accusation of being weak or lacking strength. Yesterday was a tremendous amount of fear of everything. The more and more I tried not to experience it and pre-occupy my mind with something else...the more intense it became. Then I allowed myself to just feel the fear without the narrative in my head and the weight of it left. No more fighting it or trying to resist it or trying to feel everything else except that because of the belief fear is bad. Fear isn't bad or good...it's just an emotion. Once I realized that, I experienced peace. 

Quick story: I left my flash drive in a public library. It took me about an hour to realize that I didn't have it and when I did, I freaked out! I called the library and I was told no one turned a flash drive in and they didn't see one at the computer where I was sitting. Every thought I could have of the worst case scenario I had. I thought, "What if someone took it and reading all my personal files with my private thoughts? Oh my God, what if someone stole it and take myself secure information and steal my identity? I can't start over God. All my writings on that flash drive. I can't lose that information I don't know I would do?" On and on I went, while on the inside of me...I felt this stillness and deep peace that was telling me, "Everything is okay! No one stole it. It's there! Don't worry!"

I arrived at the library, someone was sitting at the computer I was sitting, however, they placed my flash drive on top of the computer hard drive. The rush of relief flooded my being. As I quickly sprinted to my car I realized the peace I felt earlier. This peace told me to trust  this regardless of what thoughts was going through my mind. Fear no longer have power over me because I do not let it.